Working these last two weeks at dayscare has been like watching a disaster movie.
Like pouring salt on a slug.
Like making a cereal killer your therapist.
Winter has turned the children into monsters or bears or something.
Like the other day, when I saw a kid playing by his self, and I didn't want him to feel lonely, so I went over to play with him.
We play so nicely for a bit, and then he stops abruptly, looks up at me and says, "I going to do whatever I want, and you can't boss me not to!"
I raise my eyebrows. Alright, tiger, let's go.
He glances at the Christmas tree.
And I was all, "Now, son...don't you touch that Christmas tree."
And he was like on Finding Nemo, when Nemo's dad told him not to touch the boat.
Now, I know what you're thinking: Was he kidnapped by a dentist, and did I have to swim to P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney to find him?
No, sadly, I did not.
I do, however, sit his tail in timeout.
He frowns highly upon my actions, and jumps from his seat.
As he runs circles around the room, you can see it in his eyes.
The YOLO.I observe him a bit (for science) then I approach him cautiously and help him back into his chair.
He stares at me for 3 seconds, and then his eyes roll back in his head, and he falls on the floor.
This isn't the first time a child has pulled this on me, and I always fall for it.
Every single time.
I react immediately, rushing over to him, and this is how he repays me for my genuine concern...
He scratches me, kicks me, and runs away.
Still waiting for my combat pay.
I rocked my Peanuts band-aid, though.
So, jump ahead 2 or 3 days.
I'm walking around the room (patrolling if you will) when I notice these white, wet/powdery chunks on the floor.
Oh, something new.
I follow the trail.
It leads to a small child hovering in the corner, chalk caked on his face and mouth.
He ate the chalk.
All of it, except this one tiny piece of mush that I used to leave a note for Miss Lynn...
Which looks suspicious, now that I think about it. Kinda makes it look like I'm hoarding chalk and tried to blame a 2 year-old for its disappearance, or something.
Shortly afterwards, this happened.
I don't even know where that water came from.
But then again, I didn't know that 2 year-olds had the ability to break a Hotwheel into three pieces, either.
On the brighter side of things, the latchkey have accepted me as their authority, and I've had no problems from them, except for occasional short jokes.
She told me she'd had experience with being a teacher's aid and she asked if we were hiring.
"Yeah, sure! Come on over! You can have my job right now."
No, I didn't say that, but it crossed my mind.
When I got off the phone with her, I went back in with the kids. They were playing a game, and everyone was taking their turns from smallest to biggest kid.
"You can go before us latchkey kids." said Skylar.
And suddenly I felt guilty for wanting to leave.
"So we won't get bored while we're waiting, and we'll have something to laugh at." he finished.
And suddenly I didn't feel guilty anymore.
Anyway, all in all it wasn't a bad week.
We didn't get paid again.